When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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