I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
