It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
