I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
