I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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