Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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