Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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