I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
