summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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