....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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