Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize