I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
