So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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