After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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