I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
