I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
