I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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