What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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