that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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