Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
