woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
