One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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