The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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