i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
