Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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