i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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