Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize