you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
