I wish I only lived at night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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