You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
