Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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