Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
handjob tips. give me some.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this just has baby written all over it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize