There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
