Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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