There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
