On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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