I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
