First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
