the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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