i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
