I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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