I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
