would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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