I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I party with great urgency now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
