i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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