she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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