so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
