Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Less talking, more tequila
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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