I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize