I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
