I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
