I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He shit in the fireplace
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
