Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
