Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
operation have a gay friend backfired
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
