Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize