What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
