just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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