Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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