i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
