Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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