Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
