I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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