Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
