I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
