he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
