Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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