I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
