I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
