my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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