i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
