the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
