awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
