WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
