i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize