i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
foreskin is a definite game changer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
