i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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