sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
