Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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