it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
