i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
