thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
