what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
