Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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