I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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