Soap is not a condiment
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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