These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
