I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
