how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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