Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
