Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
