I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
