Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
