the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
