Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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