her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
