We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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