Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
