How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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