I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
