Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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