I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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