so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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