I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
