New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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