I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
